By Richard Lederer
'Anguished English' is the impossibly humorous anthology of unintentional attacks upon our language. From bloopers and errors to indicators of the days to combined Up Metaphors...from Two-Headed Headlines to Mangling Modifiers, here's an outrageous treasury of attacks upon our universal language that would depart you roaring with pride and laughter.
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Additional resources for Anguished English: An Anthology of Accidental Assualts Upon Our Language
In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here? In a Massachusetts parking area reserved for birdwatchers: Parking for birds only. In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends. m. m. midnight. In front of a New Hampshire restaurant: Now serving live lobsters. In front of a New Hampshire store: Endurable floors. On a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak. Before I sign off, I offer some poster and billboard messages containing the kind of goofy prose that laughs in the face of logic: On a movie marquee: Now Playing: ADAM AND EVE with a cast of thousands!
Tonight's program focuses on stress, exercise, nutrition and sex with Celtic forward Scott Wedman, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, and Dick Cavett. La Leche League will discuss breast feeding at two meetings-Tuesday in the West Side and Thursday in the East Side. Citizens of Santa Barbara County are faced with a tax rise. Most of the money raised would be used for five foot policemen. Gretzky won his sixth consecutive Hart Trophy as the NHL's Most Valuable Player, an unprecedented feat that tied him with Gordie Howe as a six-time winner.
On a roller coaster: Watch your head. On a New Hampshire road: Will build to suit Emory A. Tuttle On the grounds of a private school: No trespassing without permission. In a library: Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away. On a Tennessee highway: Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable. Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this, it's time you wash your car. " Next Chapter... Welfare Bloopers Fare Well The following excerpts are drawn from letters written by citizens applying for payments from a state welfare agency.
Anguished English: An Anthology of Accidental Assualts Upon Our Language by Richard Lederer